I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
