Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
