i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
