it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
