In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
