Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
