just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
