i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
