Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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