You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
