Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
