She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My penis needs a shock collar
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
