my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
