Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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