I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
