When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think my moral compass just broke
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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