im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize