I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
