Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
