all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
