i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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