I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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