Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
