I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
