You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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