i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
