consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
