operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
What a dumb baby whore.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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