Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
