i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All I want is dick and wine.
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