Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
