jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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