We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
