I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
