he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
