I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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