Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
