So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
is this the sara with the beer cane?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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