But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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