I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
