she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize