No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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