if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
two words: eviction party
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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