I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
