How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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