I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
