what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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