2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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