I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize