evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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