I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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