did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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