I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
