when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
