i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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