dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
