Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize