Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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