I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
