woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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