i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize