My brain says no but my pants say off.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
