HIV tests are more positive than that guy
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
