i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
