The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
