I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
