i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
