i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize