I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
