my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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